Lusting After Your Spouse

In my previous article, A Warning for Married Christian Couples, I published a message the Lord gave to a pastor in England, that I have come to know well, warning about damnable sins that defile the marriage bed. One of those sins is lust, which I would like to address in more detail here in this present article. Perhaps you are wondering, "Is it possible to lust after my wife?" Please allow me to try and answer that question.

Lust Defined
First of all, we need to understand the definition of the verb “lust.”

LUST, v.i.

1. To desire eagerly; to long; with after.

Thou mayest kill and eat flesh in all thy gates, whatsoever thy soul lusteth after. Deu 12.

2. To have carnal desire; to desire eagerly the gratification of carnal appetite.

Lust not after her beauty in thy heart. Prov 6.

Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Mat 5.

3. To have irregular or inordinate desires.

Lust not after evil things as they also lusted. 1 Cor 10.

Scriptural Warning Against Lust
Having defined the word lust, let’s see what the Scripture says about lusting after one another. Paul wrote to the Thessalonians:

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God; and that no man transgress and defraud his brother in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification.” (1Th 4:3-7)

He said God’s will is our sanctification and specifically to abstain from sexual immorality. In order to do so, we must each know how to control our own vessel in holiness and honor. J. Smith argues in “1 Thess 4:4 - Breaking the Impasse,” BBR 10 (Fall 2000), that “vessel” in this context is very likely a delicate reference to the sexual organs. Since it is forbidden by God to use the sexual organs outside of marriage, this passage has definite application for married couples in their conduct with one another, as well as for single people to warn them against immorality outside of marriage.

The Greek word translated “vessel” is “skeuos,” meaning “vessel or implement.” "Vessel" was a common Greek metaphor for "body" since Greeks thought of souls living temporarily in bodies. If you translate the Greek word “skeuos” to mean “body” rather than “vessel”, in the context of controlling your body with regard to abstaining from sexual immorality, it still refers to the use of the body in sexual activity. In other words, it does not change the meaning of the passage.

The Greek word for “lustful” in this verse is “epithumia”, meaning “desire, craving, longing, desire for what is forbidden, lust.” It comes from epithumeo, which means “a longing (especially for what is forbidden):-concupiscence, desire, lust (after).” Concupiscence is a “strong sexual desire; lust.”

The Greek word for “passion” in this verse is “pathos,” meaning "1) whatever befalls one, whether it be sad or joyous 1a) spec. a calamity, mishap, evil, affliction 2) a feeling which the mind suffers 2a) an affliction of the mind, emotion, passion 2b) passionate deed 2c) used by the Greeks in either a good or bad sense 2d) in the NT in a bad sense, depraved passion, vile passions.”

Therefore, we could define “lustful passion” as “a feeling that the mind suffers due to a craving, longing, or desire for what is forbidden;” or “a depraved passion one feels while experiencing a craving, longing, or desire for what is forbidden;” or “a depraved feeling arising from irregular or inordinate desires to do that which is forbidden;” or “suffering emotionally intense feelings due to a carnal desire;” or “a feeling that the mind suffers while desiring eagerly the gratification of carnal appetite.” If we define lustful as behavior that is characterized by concupiscence, then we could define “lustful passion” as “intense, wicked, corrupted, or impure emotions arising from a strong sexual desire.”

Since a healthy sexual desire is central to any stable marriage relationship, we know that this in itself is not a sin. It is given to us by God and the apostle Paul commanded Christian couples to "stop depriving one another" of normal marital relations. He said:

“The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1Co 7:3-5)

God wants married couples to enjoy their relations together. So it is ideal for couples to enjoy marital bliss in their relations with one another as Adam and Eve did before the fall. They should do so as often as they wish. It only becomes sinful if it involves a misplaced or illegitimate desire of some kind. One example would be to insist upon having your own way to satisfy your longing in such a manner that is selfish and inconsiderate of your spouse and his or her needs. Another example would be to desire to do some sexual act with your spouse that is unloving and solely for the gratification of your carnal appetite. I think some other obvious ways a couple could lust sinfully in marriage would be to video tape themselves and play it back or photograph each other and look at those in order to become aroused; to watch pornography together as a way of becoming aroused for sex; to crave oral sex or ungodly sex positions; to desire to perform sadomasochism (e.g., tying each other up and inflicting pain and pleasure), which is satanic bondage. Or some couples use sex toys on each other, while other couples involve animals. Still others bring other couples into their marriage bed. There are many countless ways to sin in the marriage bed, and it would not be possible to state every single way. However, God is willing to open our eyes and hearts into these sins as we desire to be holy and live for him.

Even in the marriage bed we must do everything with love, for the glory of God, as unto the Lord, and in the name of Jesus. We must treat our spouse the way we want to be treated. We must prefer one another in love. There are certain acts that are forbidden by God between couples, and it is not possible to perform such acts with love, or for the glory of God, or in the name of Jesus. they are not pure and holy. They are acts of vanity and bondage with the enemy. Therefore, a longing or craving to do such things with your spouse is considered lusting and is indeed sinful. Those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. They will end up in hell.

Righteous Desire in Scripture
Now that I have explained the possibility of sinful lust in marriage, as well as the non-sinful, healthy aspects of sexual relations in marriage, let’s look at one more thing. There are other uses of the Greek word for "lust" in the Bible that have a good connotation, which indicates that there is a way that we can crave or desire strongly something that is not sinful.

When Jesus taught about "lust" in Matt 5:28, the Greek word there is "epithumeo", meaning "to set the heart upon, that is, long for (rightfully or otherwise): - covet, desire, would fain, lust (after)." That same Greek word "epithumeo" is used in a positive sense in many passages, including Lk 17:22; 22:15; Heb 6:11; and 1 Pe 1:12. So that teaches us that it is definitely possible to lust in a non-sinful way. The following are some examples:

"And He said to the disciples, 'The days will come when you will long (epithumeo) to see one of the days of the Son of Man, and you will not see it.'" (Luk 17:22)

"And He said to them, 'I have earnestly desired (epithumeo) to eat this Passover with you before I suffer;'" (Luk 22:15)

"It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires (epithumeo) to do." (1Ti 3:1)

"And we desire (epithumeo) that each one of you show the same diligence so as to realize the full assurance of hope until the end." (Heb 6:11)

"It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves, but you, in these things which now have been announced to you through those who preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven--things into which angels long (epithumeo) to look." (1Pe 1:12)

In the Law, we also see this same word epithumeo used in a positive light in the Greek Septuagint. Moses said, "Notwithstanding thou mayest kill and eat flesh in all thy gates, whatsoever thy soul lusteth after, according to the blessing of the LORD thy God which he hath given thee: the unclean and the clean may eat thereof, as of the roebuck, and as of the hart." (Deu 12:15)

The Hebrew word for "lusteth" is "'avvah" meaning "desire, lust, will (not necessarily evil)." It comes from a root word "avah" meaning "to wish for:-covet, (greatly) desire, be desirous, long, lust (after)."

Granted none of these uses of epithumeo in Scripture refer to lusting after a woman. At no point do the Scriptures teach that it is pleasing to God when you lust after your spouse. But they do show us that it is possible to set one's heart upon, that is, long for or desire something rightfully. It is similar to the expression, "We covet your prayers," which uses the term "covet" in a righteous way.

Putting it All Together
Therefore, it is certainly possible for one to lust sinfully for his own wife, and many people are in hell today because they did so. I want to be sure and warn you about that. Please don't miss my article, A Warning for Married Christian Couples, in which I cover this in more detail and share some revelations that others have received from the Lord about this. If you have been lusting after your spouse, please repent now before it is too late, and forsake your sin.

On the other hand, there is also a righteous way to earnestly desire and long for your wife that is not sinful. In order for it to be holy, it must be motivated by love and not be forbidden in Scripture. In fact, the Bible actually calls it love, not lust, since lust is not one of the fruit of the Spirit, but love is (Gal 5:22-23). The Scripture commands husbands to love their wives (Eph 5:25). What we need in marriage, which pleases the Lord, is love from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith (1 Tim 1:5), but not carnal lust that simply feeds the flesh.

Attribution notice: Most Scripture quotations taken from the NASB, except where otherwise noted.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like A Warning for Married Christian Couples, Woman Saw the Demon of Cupid Leading Christians to Hell, Adultery According to Jesus, The Forgotten Sin of Worldliness, Ezekiel Moses Testimony of Heaven and Hell, Is Obedience Optional?, Holy Living in a Perverted World, Is Contraception a Sin? -- a Divine Revelation, Avoid Becoming a Corrupted Christian, Sins That Will Keep You From Heaven, Restored Truth, Testing the Spirits of False Prophets, A Warning to the Nay Sayers, The Ways of Life, and the other posts on the home page. You may also access my complete blog directory at "Writing for the Master."

Do You Want to Know Him?
If you want to know Jesus personally, you can. It all begins when you repent and believe in Jesus.  Do you know what God's Word, the Bible says?

“Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of God, and saying, ‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.’” (Mar 1:14b-15).  He preached that we must repent and believe.

Please see my explanation of this in my post called "Do You Want to Know Jesus?"

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Len Lacroix is the founder of Doulos Missions International.  He was based in Eastern Europe for four years, making disciples, as well as helping leaders to be more effective at making disciples who multiply, developing leaders who multiply, with the ultimate goal of planting churches that multiply. His ministry is now based in the United States with the same goal of helping fulfill the Great Commission. www.dmiworld.org

Finding a Marriage Partner

Unless you have chosen to remain single for the rest of your life or God has called you to celibacy, then at some point you will feel the need to find a marriage partner. However, for the disciple of Christ, we have very few good models for how to do so. Instead we have plenty of bad, worldly examples all around us.  Therefore, I would like to give some Scriptural guidelines to follow.

Worldly Patterns to Avoid
In the world, we all see the patterns that are followed, and these are familiar to most of us. But I will take just a moment to mention them.

Dating is the most common one. We all know this involves two people going out together on “dates” or set times when they do things together. It may involve a single date or a series of dates on an ongoing basis, known as “going steady.” I don’t need to go into detail about all the aspects of dating that give opportunities for compromise, such as spending time alone together in private, kissing, and other intimate contact. It all eventually leads to impurity, passion, lust, sensuality, and sexual immorality, which are all sinful in God’s sight.

Yet even Christians consider dating to be an acceptable practice. They think it is necessary to date someone as a means of getting to know that person before you decide whether to marry them. However, dating has no Scriptural basis at all, and it leads to sin. It is similar to trying out a used car, taking it for a test drive before you decide to buy it. Or another analogy would be going to the ice cream parlor and taking a few licks from each flavor, giving each one back to the waiter after licking it and asking to try another one until you find the flavor you would like to order. A person is not a used car or an ice cream cone, but a human being made in God’s image. They are not supposed to be test driven or licked before you make a commitment to them.

Since dating often does not result in marriage between the couple, it produces many victims who have been tried out and discarded – even multiple times. So the selection for others to choose from includes other people that have been test driven and licked but left unwanted and single. This is heart breaking to the victims and to the Lord who made them. It was never His intention for people to find a spouse this way.

As I wrote in my article, Visitation of Jesus to Samuel Oghenetega, the Lord appeared to this teenage boy and gave him a warning to those keeping boyfriends and girlfriends. The Lord said, "Tell those keeping boyfriends and girlfriends to repent or else I shall cast them into the burning furnace of hell. Millions of them are in hell. Satan is coming with angels to deceive humanity. Therefore, humanity is doomed. As for my sheep, I will be with them. And I will not leave them."

I will briefly mention living together, which is just a byproduct or result of dating and then going steady. The same reasons used for dating are the ones people use for living together. They believe they love each other enough to move in together and they feel they might spend the rest of their lives together. But somehow they are not ready to make an official, lifelong commitment to stay with each other, to the exclusion of all others, until death parts them. Obviously, all the same aspects of dating that give rise to sin are also true of living together, but much more so, since there is no longer any restraint or attempt to wait until marriage before lying together. And all the same reasons why dating damages people are also true of living together, except much more so. Since many unmarried couples that live together end up breaking up, they experience similar wreckage in their lives as a result. Moreover, when they have had children together, there are more than two victims. For more on this topic, please see my article, Why Not Live Together Rather Than Marry.

One last thing I will mention is mixed spiritual beliefs among couples. In the world, it is common for couples to have different spiritual beliefs and even for one to be a Christian while the other is an unbeliever. This also has no Scriptural basis either, but is simply a worldly pattern that results in spiritual adultery or mixture.

Scriptural Basis
Here are just a few Scriptural admonitions for those who are single, which we must pay careful attention to.

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.” (1Co 6:9-11)

“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, ‘The two shall become one flesh.’ But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” (1Co 6:15-20)

“Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.” (1Co 7:1-2).

“Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, ‘I WILL DWELL IN THEM AND WALK AMONG THEM; AND I WILL BE THEIR GOD, AND THEY SHALL BE MY PEOPLE. "Therefore, COME OUT FROM THEIR MIDST AND BE SEPARATE,’ says the Lord. ‘AND DO NOT TOUCH WHAT IS UNCLEAN; And I will welcome you. And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me,’ Says the Lord Almighty.” (2Co 6:14-18)

“…the knowledge of the truth which is according to godliness.” (Tit 1:1)

“Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.” (Tit 2:6, NIV).
“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds.” (Tit 2:11-14)

“For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures…” (Tit 3:3a)

“Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1Th 5:22)

“But like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy.’" (1Pe 1:15-16)

“Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul. Keep your behavior excellent among the Gentiles, so that in the thing in which they slander you as evildoers, they may because of your good deeds, as they observe them, glorify God in the day of visitation.” (1Pe 2:11-12)

“For the time already past is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries.” (1Pe 4:3)

“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister. The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins, as we told you and warned you before. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.” (1 Thes 4:3-8, NIV)

“Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” (Heb 13:4)

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth.” (Eph 6:1-3)

"I did not want to do anything without your consent..." (Philemon 14a)

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they keep watch over your souls as those who will give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with grief, for this would be unprofitable for you.” (Heb 13:17)

The lessons are clear. Fornication and all forms of sexual immorality are sinful and those who do these things will not inherit the kingdom of God. It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Flee from immorality. Christians must only marry believers, not unbelievers. The knowledge of the truth leads to godliness. Be sanctified. Learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans. God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Abstain from all appearances of evil. Honor marriage. Honor and obey your parents. Obey your leaders and submit to them.

Godly Patterns to Follow
Since we know we must not conform to these worldly patterns, and they are mostly all we have for examples around us, what is a single person to do, who desires to be married? We must be transformed by the renewing of our minds.

Paul said, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Rom 12:2)

Begin as Paul said in the verse before this by offering your body as a living sacrifice to God, which is your acceptable act of worship. And seek to please the Lord in all you do, including the way you go about finding a spouse.

There are plenty of biblical examples you can study, including the way that Abraham found a wife for Isaac (Gen 24), the way Jacob married (Gen 29; although not the part about getting two wives), and the way that Boaz and Ruth married (Ruth 3-4). We can learn many lessons from these stories, such as purity before marriage, searching among the same spiritual family (believers), honoring the parents, honoring one another, love, and commitment. However, there is no fully developed, Christian method of finding a wife outlined in Scripture. Therefore, please allow me to try and provide some sort of guideline for those who would like that.

In my opinion, godly courtship is the most biblical approach. There are probably many definitions of what that means, so I will try and explain my own personal viewpoint.

Prayer
The first thing any single man or woman should do in his or her search for a spouse is to pray. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Php 4:6). We are supposed to pray about everything, and finding a marriage partner is no exception. I do believe it is the man’s role to find a wife, and not the woman’s role to find a husband. Scripture says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the LORD” (Prov 18:22, KJV). But that does not mean the woman cannot do her part to pray for a husband. I would even recommend praying with fasting as well.

Be honest with the Lord. If you feel like you desperately need to be married, cry out to Him about your need. Bring your petition before Him. Those who have lived an immoral life in the past may especially acutely feel this need. But be sure that you receive deliverance, healing, and restoration, and learn to make the Lord first in your life before you assume that marriage is going to solve your problem. What you need is love, not sex, and learning to love begins with loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. You also need to learn to love your neighbor as yourself. If you have used people in the past, abused, or exploited them, then those patterns need to be broken as you learn to love others as Jesus does. I recommend Covenant Prayer, and Demonology 101.

While most men may marry to fulfill their need for sex, perhaps most women marry to fulfill their need for companionship and the security of being truly loved by a man. But if you are a woman, you should first learn to receive the love of Jesus Christ for you and the love of the Father in heaven, so that He can fill the void within you. You must be healed of any insecurity, so that you can truly receive His love and give love back to Him and others. Then your reason for getting married will not be a selfish one to fill a void, but a loving one to give of yourself and submit yourself freely without fear. 

The Leading of the Spirit
As you pray, you should be part of a local church, where you can interact with others in Christ and observe their behavior. Watch how they interact with you and with others. Serve the Lord along side them publicly and worship with them publicly. As you continue like this, over time the Lord may draw you to a particular person, and that is something you should pay attention to. As He does so, you should take your attraction for that person to the Lord to Him in prayer. Do not tell the other person about this, but just pray and tell the Lord. Father knows. As you talk to Him about it privately, He will move on your behalf and show you if it is His will for you to marry this person. You see, we begin with seeking to know what is the Father’s will in this matter, not rushing to do our own will.

The best way to know God’s will is to put your will on the altar. Put the other person on the altar, too. Like a car that is in the neutral gear, set your heart into a neutral position before God, so that you can clearly hear from Him about this person. Don’t assume the one you are attracted to is His will for your life, although that may be the case. You need to determine and prove that in prayer.

As I mentioned in my article, Keeping a Prayer Journal, you need to maintain a journal that contains things the Lord has spoken to you in prayer, as well as things you have spoken to Him, Scriptures He has given to you for your life, and promises you are claiming. As you sense the Lord’s leading regarding this person you are praying about, write those things down in your journal. Then you can look back on them later and see if it was really the Lord.

Not everything that seems like the Lord’s leading is really His leading. That is why you need to get confirmations from the Lord. These can come in the form of Scriptures, hearing the Lord’s voice within your heart or even audibly, divine coincidences, prophecies, and words of knowledge, as well as dreams and visions from the Lord. I caution you to beware of people prophesying that you must marry a certain person. While the Lord can and certainly does use prophecies, it should be a confirmation of what you already know to be true in your own heart, and not something that is forced on you as a mandate or as something foreign that you were completely unaware of. As you receive these confirmations, write them down in your journal. This is all part of being led by the Spirit. “For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.” (Rom 8:14).

Also see Led by the Spirit - Part I and Led by the Spirit - Part II.

One Man for One Woman
It is my personal belief that the Lord has one specific companion for each person that is supposed to be married. In other words, if it is His will for you to be married, I believe there is only one person in the world that God has for you to marry, and that is the only person you may marry in the will of God. I don’t believe the Lord just leaves that up to chance or happenstance, but He has determined these things before we were even born out of love for us. In some cases where a person’s spouse dies, I believe the Lord in His loving care for that person may also have a second spouse for them to marry when that need arises.

Therefore I believe it is critical to pray earnestly to know His will about the person you should marry, and then obey the Lord. I believe it is important to be led by the Spirit in all things, so that you are in the right place at the right time. If you are not where the Lord wants you to be when He wants you there, you may not find the spouse He has for you. If you marry outside of God’s will, you will suffer the consequences, which could include misery, heartbreak, divorce, and hindrances to the fulfillment of your calling and God’s purpose for you in life.  It could even result in eternal souls being lost, such as those you were intended to reach, or possibly your very own soul, if it leads you into sin and you do not repent. That’s why I lay so much emphasis on prayer and fasting, as well as being led by the Spirit, receiving divine direction and confirmations of His will.

One brother I know told me once that every couple he knows who said they felt the Lord directed them to marry each other ended up unhappy in their marriage or divorced (to the best of my memory, that is what he said). Consequently he did not believe in there being only one person for each of us to marry in the will of God. I suppose he assumed that if the Lord had really meant for those couples to be married together, they would have been happy, fulfilled, and would not have broken up. However, I disagree with that, so please let me explain why.

I believe that for those who are supposed to be married, the person God has chosen for you to marry is exactly what you need to help you fulfill your calling, do the will of God, carry out His purpose for you in life, and ultimately make it to heaven in Christ. However, that does not mean you will enjoy every moment of it. The Lord puts people in our lives to work on areas in us that need to be changed into the image of Christ and perfected. The proverb says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Prov 27:17, NIV). Those who have had difficult roommates in college can testify to this principle, and marriage is no exception to it. The Lord puts you together with a marriage partner, who will be perfectly suited to work on your character flaws and get you ready for heaven. That is not always a pleasant process, but one that can often be painful.

Therefore, if couples do marry the one the Lord led them to marry in His will, and experience unhappiness together or conflicts, they may incorrectly assume they have missed God’s will and married the wrong person. They may assume the other person is the problem, and they need to get away from that person, when in fact the problem may reside inside of them and God may actually be trying to use their spouse to root it out.  That’s why I don’t think my friend has a valid reason for believing that there is more than one person you can marry in the will of God.

Age Range
I want to say a word about what age a person should be before they marry. This may vary for each person and within different cultures. There have been people who have married very young, even at fifteen or sixteen years old. However, this is not ideal. In today’s world, your education will be an important part of being able to get a proper job to earn a living to support your family. Getting married too young can interrupt your education, and that could hurt you in the long term. It is often much more difficult to finish your education if you are married, especially if you have children, so don’t rush into getting married too young. As the proverb says, “Prepare your work outside and make it ready for yourself in the field; Afterwards, then, build your house.”(Pro 24:27)

Also keep in mind that the person you know at age eighteen or nineteen is still changing. Their mind is still growing, they are still maturing, their viewpoints are still changing, and the person you know at that age is not the same person they may become by the time they are twenty one. If you marry someone who is not yet mature and is still changing, you may end up with someone later that is not quite the same person you once loved so much when they were younger. And their feelings about you could also change as well, as their mind changes. So take it slowly and realize this before you marry someone.

Pre-Courtship
Once you men have received definite leading from the Holy Spirit about the woman you feel you should marry, you may decide to speak with your parents, if they are godly disciples of Christ, who are filled with the Spirit. Otherwise, you should go to the elders of your church or your pastor who have spiritual oversight over you, and share your heart confidentially. But even if you speak to your godly, Spirit-filled parents, you should still speak to those with spiritual oversight over you in your church. Tell them about the confirmations you have received and see what they say. If they agree the Lord is leading you, then you may proceed to the next step, which is to speak to the woman about what you believe the Lord is saying and ask her to pray about it.

She needs to receive the Lord’s leading and guidance just as much as you do. So give her time to get her confirmations from the Lord. Don’t be impatient and rush her. In fact, it is best not to discuss it with her further while she prays about it. Don’t spend time together as a couple, because that could influence what she senses and you really want her to hear from God, not you. This will be an added confirmation for you later, which will help to ensure you have not mistakenly missed God. She may need some weeks or even a few months to get the mind of the Lord on this matter.

If you are a sister in this situation, then take your time and pray with fasting, seeking the Lord to know His will. As I mentioned, keep track of what you sense is the Lord’s leading in a journal. Let the Scriptures be your main guide, but also pay attention to the other types of confirmations I previously mentioned. Once you receive what you believe to be the Lord’s leading, then you should share that with your parents, if they are godly, Spirit-filled people, and then with the elders of her church or your pastor. If they agree the Lord is leading you, then they should release you and the man who desires to court you to get parental consent.

This obviously would not apply to people who are above a certain age, such as in the fifties age range or older, but exactly what age is the cut off point when parental consent does not apply is a subjective matter that is not explicitly defined in Scripture. Therefore you should use wisdom and good judgment in conjunction with your overseers as to when it applies. Don’t underestimate the value of honoring your parents and receiving their permission, as well as their blessing. Some churches may have strict rules that apply to getting this permission in writing, but the main thing is that you obtain their official consent, and if they don’t put it in writing, then you should do so and keep that in your journal.

I suggest that as part of this process, the father of the woman, who desires to enter into courtship, will want to meet with the man who desires to court her, and get to know him. If the father is a godly, Spirit-filled man, he will want to check him out and make sure he is a godly person as well. Such a father will most likely want to pray about the matter himself, but ultimately his decision should be based on what the couple has sensed the Lord leading them to do under the Holy Spirit’s guidance. If a man came to me, asking for permission to court one of my daughters, I would first want to know how he came to know the Lord and how the Spirit led him to believe he should court her. I would also ensure that he is submitted to spiritual authority as one who is accountable, correctable, and teachable. Moreover, I would not grant permission until I had ensured that the Lord was leading my daughter this way as well. If the parents are not godly, Spirit-filled believers, this process may not go smoothly, so be prepared for that possibility. There could be many possible variations of how this could proceed, and I will not seek to go into detail on all of them. Let the Holy Spirit guide you and use wisdom.

While awaiting parental consent, the couple is still not spending time together, but waiting on the Lord and praying individually. Once the parents grant permission, then the couple may share that with those who are in spiritual oversight over them. Some churches may have a marriage committee for this purpose or they may require this permission in writing. In any event, regardless of the specific requirements that each church may have, the main point is that the church overseer or overseers release the couple to begin courtship.

Courtship
Once the couple has been released to begin courting, they may do so. They should stand before their congregation at church and make the announcement that they are commencing courtship under godly oversight. This provides further accountability for them as a safeguard and it also gives the church the chance to rejoice with the couple and pray for them. The church should gather around them and pray for them and also commit them to prayer during the courtship.

This is not the same as dating, as I have already said earlier. This is a godly relationship that is based on love, purity, righteousness, and holiness. It must all be done in the light, not in darkness. Don’t give the devil any opportunity. I suggest that the setting for your times together should be either in public places or in the homes of Christian couples from your church. Avoid any situations that could lead to compromise. Remain accountable to others, such as your church oversight, whether the elders or pastor. If you are still living with your parents, and they are godly believers, then remain accountable to them, too.

The goal in courtship is to spend time together, praying together, worshiping together, studying the Word together, confirming God’s will, getting to know each other better, learning to work through conflict together, and preparing for marriage, before making a final, lifelong commitment to each other. During this time, I recommend premarital counseling under the guidance of a more mature, married couple in your church. You should discuss some of the key aspects of successful, godly marriage, such as the Word of God, the Lordship of Christ, the ministry of the Holy Spirit in your lives, love, submission, prayer, service, contentment, conflict resolution, birth control, forgiveness, and humility. The Word of God has plenty to say about these topics, so I recommend doing a Bible study together on these and others relevant to marriage. There are also plenty of good books available on the topic, and under the guidance of another married couple, the courting couple may go through a workbook together, discussing and answering questions about these things. This is the time to learn those keys you will need to ensure that your marriage is successful and lasts a lifetime.

Someone may ask whether engagement is a part of courtship. I think that it makes sense, because at some point in the courtship, the couple will want to make it official that they are engaged. For some couples that may be very soon, or they may consider the fact that they are courting to be official evidence enough of their intentions to marry. But for others, they may see the courtship as more of a proving period and wait until they have a greater assurance before they announce that they are actually engaged to be married. So this is somewhat optional, as I don’t see a Scriptural requirement for it, and God probably already views them as betrothed. On the one hand, I believe the couple would have already known before they started courting that it was God’s will for them to be married, and they should not have begun courting if they did not believe so. On the other hand, that could be viewed as a potential outcome that needed to be confirmed before the couple could officially and publicly announce their plans for marriage.

If a couple chooses to make engagement a formal step in the process, then it should begin with the man going to the woman’s father and asking for her hand in marriage. (In some cultures, such as in Africa, a dowry may be required, which the suitor must pay to the woman’s father). Once the father’s permission to marry his daughter has been granted, then the couple may go back to their overseers with that information, so they may proceed to the next step of making the announcement in church. As with the public announcement of their courtship, this is another opportunity for the church to rejoice with them, gather around and pray for them, and commit them to ongoing prayer. It is also an opportunity for the church and family to have an official celebration of the couple’s engagement. This is something very special they would probably not want to miss.

Once the courtship has proceeded well along this track and the necessary lessons have been learned, the couple may eventually proceed to planning their wedding. This is an exciting time as they set a firm date, and plan for the big day when they will seal the relationship with their pledge of love exclusively to each other, one man and one woman together for life.

I do not encourage couples to go through a long, extended courtship that lasts for years. It should not take years for this process. If too much time elapses, this can allow for the tempter to tempt them, so they must guard against this. Temptation can come in various forms, not only sexual. It can also come in the form of temptation to break up. So be careful.

I also do not advise couples that are courting or engaged to indulge in kissing, prolonged hugging, full body contact, lying down next to each other, sleeping in the same room, or talking about their sexual desires. If they get to the point in their courtship where they both feel their need for intimacy with each other cannot be postponed any longer, then after praying and seeking counsel, they may choose to move their wedding date sooner. As Paul wrote, “If they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Cor 7:9, NIV)

Incidentally, courtship and engagement for marriage may be broken off, but that should not be taken lightly, and the couple would certainly not want to go through this whole process more than once.  Moreover, in the Scriptures, betrothal could not be dissolved without a divorce (Mat 1:19). So while modern courtship and engagement may not legally require a divorce to break off, it is still a serious matter in the sight of God. There would need to be a valid reason for it, such as the uncovering of new information that would disqualify the couple from being married. For example, if one partner reveals that he or she is an unrepentant, practicing homosexual, transvestite, married to someone else, or not a sincere Christian, these would invalidate the engagement. Other possible reasons why a couple may wish to break off their premarital relationship may not be as clear as these examples, and may first need to be validated. 

Therefore, if they do break up, they should walk through that process prayerfully with fasting, under the careful and loving oversight of mature believers, such as a Christian couple from their church and those in oversight of their church. The couple would need to receive confirmations from the Lord that it is not God’s will for them to marry, because they would have previously already confirmed independently and under accountability to oversight that it was in fact God’s will for them to marry.

It should not be broken off simply because of unwarranted opposition that has arisen from parents who initially gave their consent, nay-Sayers, doubts, fears, unproven suspicions or accusations, second thoughts, speculations, a quarrel, annoyances, a loss of loving feelings or a lack thereof, or some other such circumstance. Essentially this process would need to be done carefully in the same manner as the pre-courtship was done, except in reverse, so that the enemy does not outwit the couple. But if it turns out after a period of courtship that the couple decides this is not God’s will to marry, then ending the courtship would be the right thing to do.

I hope this guidance has been helpful to those who are looking for assistance with how to go about finding a marriage partner in a godly, Christian way. I've linked to more articles below to help you further.

Attribution notice: Most Scripture quotations taken from the NASB.  Other Scriptures taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV®, where noted. Image of Biblical Courtship courtesy of Like Success. No copyright infringement or endorsement of site intended. Fair Use Act invoked for educational and commentary purposes only.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like The Role of Fathers in the Marriage of Their Children, Keeping a Prayer Journal, Led by the Spirit - Part I, Led by the Spirit - Part II, Walking in the Perfect Will of God, Why Not Live Together Rather Than Marry, The Forgotten Sin of Worldliness,  Avoid Becoming a Corrupted Christian, Sins That Will Keep You From Heaven, Visitation of Jesus to Samuel Oghenetega, Ezekiel Moses Testimony of Heaven and Hell, Is Obedience Optional?, Holy Living in a Perverted World, Covenant Prayer, Accountable, correctable, and teachable, Is Contraception a Sin? -- a Divine Revelation, A Warning for Married Christian Couples, Restored Truth, and the other posts on the home page. You may also access my complete blog directory at "Writing for the Master."

Do You Want to Know Him?
If you want to know Jesus personally, you can. It all begins when you repent and believe in Jesus.  Do you know what God's Word, the Bible says?

“Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of God, and saying, ‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.’” (Mar 1:14b-15).  He preached that we must repent and believe.

Please see my explanation of this in my post called "Do You Want to Know Jesus?"

Adultery According to Jesus

Jesus spoke about adultery with respect to divorce, as well as committing this sin in one’s heart, so it is important that we understanding the meaning of adultery and how that affects a marriage covenant.

According to Webster’s dictionary, here is the definition of adultery: 1. Violation of the marriage bed; a crime, or a civil injury, which introduces, or may introduce, into a family, a spurious offspring; 2. In a scriptural sense, all manner of lewdness or unchastity, as in the seventh commandment.

According to Jesus
Jesus quoted the seventh commandment, which forbids adultery. He said, "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery." (Mat 5:27). There were people who had come to think of themselves as if they were not adulterers, because they had never physically committed that act. However, the Lord went on to teach us the way God sees adultery.

He said, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery (Gr., moicheuo) with her in his heart.” (Mat 5:28). The Greek word “moicheuo” is a verb meaning “commit adultery.” Jesus did not limit this sin to married people or say that one of the two people had to be married for it to be considered adultery. Therefore, it is inappropriate for us to apply a narrow definition of the word for adultery (“moicheuo”) in such a way that always limits its usage to only married persons. Having said that, let’s now look at another verse in that same chapter containing the word “moicheuo”.

Jesus said, “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity (Gr., porneia), makes her commit adultery (Gr., moicheuo); and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery (Gr., moicheuo).” (Mat 5:32)

The Greek word “porneia” is a noun meaning “harlotry (including adultery and incest); figuratively idolatry: - fornication.” This term carries a broader meaning than just the act of sexual immorality between two unmarried persons. It means any kind of harlotry, including adultery or incest, and that is the way I will use the word “unchastity” from here forth.

The reason the word “porneia” is used in Mt 5:32 is not because it only refers to premarital sexual immorality, but because it is the appropriate noun for sexual immorality. The reason “moicheuo” is used in this same verse is because it is the appropriate verb. It would not make sense grammatically for the Lord to use “moicheuo” instead of porneia here. In that case the sentence would read, “But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason to commit adultery, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” That would change the sentence to mean that if a man divorces his wife, in order that he may commit adultery, he makes his wife commit adultery. But that is not what the Lord said.

Moreover, the word in Mt 5:32 for “except for the reason of” is “logos” which means “something said (including the thought); by implication a topic (subject of discourse), also reasoning (the mental faculty) or motive; by extension a computation; account, cause, communication, concerning, doctrine, fame, have to do, intent, matter, mouth, preaching, question, reason, reckon, remove, say (-ing), shew, speaker, speech, talk, thing, tidings, treatise, utterance, work.” Therefore, the following are different ways to phrase Mt 5:32, which still carry the same basic meaning:

“… except on account of unchastity....”, “… except for the cause of unchastity....”, “… except concerning unchastity....”, “… except in the case of unchastity....”, “… except in the matter of unchastity....”, “… except for tidings of unchastity....”, “… except for talk of unchastity....”, “… except for communication of unchastity....”, “… except for the thing of unchastity....”, “… except for an act of unchastity....”.

When an exception is made to anything, then whatever is normally true or applicable is not so in the exceptional case. If a school principal says that all students must be seated in the classroom at 8:00 AM, except for those who are out sick, and that those who are late will be noted as tardy, he has made an exception. This means that those who are out sick will not be noted as tardy, since they have a valid reason for not being in the classroom on time. Likewise in the exception Jesus made for divorce, He meant that the sins committed when a divorce occurs do not apply in the exception, since such a person has a valid reason. Therefore, the person who is in the exception case, in which his or her spouse has committed unchastity, is not guilty of the sins of adultery the Lord described in this teaching.

Jesus made the same exception again in Mt 19:9, without the use of “logos” when He said, “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for (Gr., me) immorality (Gr., porneia), and marries another woman commits adultery." (Mat 19:9).

While he once again made the same exception for immorality in Mt 19:9, using the same word “porneia” for it, this time he used the Greek word “me” (pronounced “may”) in Mt 19:9, rather than “logos” as in Mt 5:32. The word “me” is “a primary particle of qualified negation, (adverbially) not, (conjugationally) lest; also (as interrogative implying a negative answer; whether: - any, but, (that), forbear, God forbid, lack, lest, neither, never, no, none, nor, nothing, that not, without.” The Greek phrase “me porneia” literally means “no immorality” or “without immorality.” Therefore, the following are different ways to phrase Mt 19:9, which still carry the same basic meaning:

“…whoever divorces his wife, without (existing) immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery,” “…whoever divorces his wife, (if there’s) not any (existing) immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery,” “…whoever divorces his wife, in the absence of immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery,” “…whoever divorces his wife, lacking any (existing) immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” Thus the Lord taught how God views divorces that do not meet the criteria for the exception He made in cases of immorality. While the Lord worded it two different ways in Mt 5:32 and Mt 19:9, He meant the same thing, except that in Mt 19:9 he said the man who gets such a “no immorality” divorce and marries another woman commits adultery, whereas in Mt 5:32 He said the man who does so would cause his wife to commit adultery if he divorced her without immorality.

Divorce of God from Israel
Even God Himself initiated a divorce from Israel. He was a husband to His people Israel (Is 54:5), but it became necessary for Him to divorce her. In Brenton’s English translation of the Greek Septuagint, the Scripture says, “Thus saith the Lord, Of what kind is your mother's bill of divorcement, by which I put her away? or to which debtor have I sold you? Behold, ye are sold for your sins, and for your iniquities have I put your mother away." (Isa 50:1, BES)

While Moses permitted divorce among the Jews due to the hardness of men’s hearts (Dt 24; Mt 19:8), in order to do so he required that they give their wife a written certificate of divorce, which would need to be signed by witnesses.  This would keep them from making such a decision in haste, passion, or out of emotion in the heat of an argument, as would be the case if they could divorce their wives merely by a verbal pronouncement. But they eventually took this permission as a license from God to divorce their wives for any and every reason (Mt 19:3), although that was never God’s intention. Therefore, men wrote many kinds of divorce certificates in order to put away their spouses, depending on the reason they wanted a divorce. The Lord is here asking what kind of divorce certificate He gave to Israel.  He is proving to them that it was a just divorce, because it was on account of their own spiritual adultery – their idolatries – that the Lord put away her mother, and that would be written clearly on the certificate of divorce He gave to her. It was their own fault.

Matthew Henry, a seventeenth century, English holiness preacher wrote in his commentary on this verse, “It is for your transgressions that your mother is put away, for her whoredoms and adulteries,’ which were always allowed to be a just cause of divorce. The Jews were sent into Babylon for their idolatry, a sin which broke the marriage covenant, and were at last rejected for crucifying the Lord of glory; these were the iniquities for which they were sold and put away.” Adultery was always allowed to be a just cause for divorce, since it is a sin that breaks the marriage covenant.

Again the Lord repeats the fact that He divorced faithless Israel for all her adulteries. He said, “And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also.” (Jer 3:8)

Regarding this passage, Matthew Henry said, “…they had persisted in their idolatries: But she returned not, and God saw it; he took notice of it, and was much displeased with it, Jer_3:7, Jer_3:8. Note, God keeps account, whether we do or no, how often he has called to us to turn to him and we have refused. 4. That he had therefore cast them off, and given them up into the hands of their enemies (Jer_3:8): When I saw (so it may be read) that for all the actions wherein she had committed adultery I must dismiss her, I gave her a bill of divorce. God divorced them when he threw them out of his protection and left them an easy prey to any that would lay hands on them, when he scattered all their synagogues and the schools of the prophets and excluded them from laying any further claim to the covenant made with their fathers. Note, Those will justly be divorced from God that join themselves to such as are rivals with him. For proof of this go and see what God did to Israel.”

According to Scripture, sexual immorality within marriage is a just case for divorce. If God, who is holy, divorced Israel for adultery, then we know this is definitely a valid reason for divorce in the sight of God. It is a sin, which breaks the marriage covenant. It defiles the marriage bed. And the Lord Jesus in his teaching on divorce also gave this exception as well. When a person divorces their spouse for this sin, they are justly separating themselves from sin, refusing to be an accomplice to it (Ps 26:4-5). They are fleeing from immorality, refusing to make the members of Christ the members of a prostitute.

The apostle Paul wrote, "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, "THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH." But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body." (1Co 6:15-20).

He also wrote, "Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, 'I will dwell in them and walk among them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,' says the Lord. 'And do not touch what is unclean; And I will welcome you. And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me,' Says the Lord Almighty. Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God." (2Co 6:14-18; 7:1).

When one marriage spouse is involved in adultery, they have essentially become a prostitute* or harlot in the sight of God. The other spouse who is joined to them by marriage is then joined to a whore. As Paul said, may it never be. What fellowship has light with darkness? We must come out from their midst and be separate, cleansing ourselves from the defilement of flesh and spirit. Therefore, if the adulterous spouse refuses to repent, then divorce would be a just course of action.

Putting it All Together
In conclusion, the Lord taught in Mt 19:9 that a man who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, except in cases when he divorces his wife due to her own unchastity (i.e., defilement of the marriage bed). The fact that Jesus made an exception for sexual immorality means that in this case, the husband would not be committing adultery by divorcing her and getting married to another woman, since his wife had already committed adultery herself. She has violated the marriage bed. This means that a divorce may be appropriate in such cases where a wife has defiled the marriage bed, especially when there is no repentance and/or the sin is repetitive. According to Jesus, a man in such cases would not be committing adultery if he marries another woman.

The Lord also taught in Mt 5:32 that a man who divorces his wife causes her to commit adultery, except in cases when he divorces his wife due to her own unchastity (i.e., defilement of the marriage bed). Based on Mt 5:28, this means a man may cause his wife to commit adultery by divorcing her, even if it is within her heart that she commits it after he divorces her, except when he divorces her for her own sexual immorality. He also taught that anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. The fact that Jesus made an exception for unchastity means that in this case, the husband would not be causing his wife to commit adultery by divorcing her, since she had already committed adultery herself. She has violated the one-flesh union, and there are now at least three instead of two. This means that a divorce may be appropriate in such cases where a wife has defiled the marriage bed, especially when there is no repentance and/or the sin is repetitive.

The woman in such a case where her husband divorces her, although she is not guilty of unchastity, would indeed be committing adultery when she remarries, according to Jesus. He said that her husband causes her to do so, which implies that He realized a woman so divorced might either remarry or commit adultery in her heart. He placed the blame for this on her husband, yet He did not justify her sin or give her a license for it.

Moreover, if such a woman’s husband, who gives her a “no immorality” divorce, marries another woman, then he himself has committed adultery. In this case, the woman would be considered within the exception that Jesus gave for divorce, which is immorality. Since her husband has committed adultery by marrying another woman, that would be reason for the exceptional case of divorce, even if she were still married to him. In other words, if he had committed adultery while they were still married, Jesus made an exception for that, so the same exception would seem to apply if her husband committed adultery after divorcing her. It would seem from the Lord’s exception that she would not be guilty of adultery if she married another man in that case. For she would be legally divorced from her first husband, and the case would be the one exception Jesus made, thus allowing her to marry another man.

The Lord also taught in Mt 5:28 that anyone, whether married or unmarried, could commit adultery in one’s heart by simply looking at another person with lust in one’s heart. This means that a person could be married to one wife all his life and yet he may have committed adultery one or more times during their marriage. He is just as guilty of adultery as the man who gets a “no immorality” divorce from his wife and marries another woman, except that he is still married to his original wife and the other man is not. The only solution in either case is repentance, except that some teach the second man must not only repent but also make restitution by divorcing his second wife and remarrying his first wife.

Such a definition of restitution would seem to cause the man to commit the sin of divorce a second time, and cause his second wife to commit adultery as well (either in her heart or physically). The proponents of this teaching would probably defend it by saying that his second divorce is not a “no immorality” divorce, since he himself committed adultery by entering into the second marriage, and he must sever it. I suppose they would also believe that in doing so he does not cause his second wife to commit adultery, since they would say she was inappropriately married to him in the first place, and that God never recognized the marriage. But that would defy the definition of one flesh in Scripture, which says, “And the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (Mar 10:8; cf., Mat 19:6a). “Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, ‘The two shall become one flesh.’" (1Co 6:16).

If God does not recognize a second marriage then what is it that makes it sinful and detestable for a divorced and remarried man to divorce his second spouse and remarry his original wife? God clearly says in Deut 24:2-4 and Jer 3:1 that this practice is sinful and detestable, and completely pollutes the land. That is because it is considered harlotry, wife swapping, immorality, and adultery according to Jesus.

Footnote: *According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, a prostitute is "a) a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, especially for money:  whore; b) a male who engages in sexual and especially homosexual practices for money." Receiving payment is not required in order for one to be a prostitute or whore by definition, even though payment is usually involved. Likewise, one can be considered a prostitute in the sight of God without even receiving payment for their services. In fact, God still considers you a prostitute even if you pay others or give them gifts for illicit favors (see Ezek 16:15,30,32-35).

DISCLAIMER: Nothing in this article shall be construed as advising anyone to get a divorce or to remarry after divorce. This article was written to the best of my ability based on the Word of God with much thought and prayer. However, we only know in part, and prophesy in part, so my humble opinions, where stated, could be wrong or incomplete. Therefore, the Holy Scriptures must take precedence over anything I have written, where there appears to be any apparent contradiction.

Attribution notice: Most Scripture quotations taken from the NASB, except where otherwise noted.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like When Marriage Doesn't Work Out, A Warning for Married Christian Couples, The Forgotten Sin of Worldliness, Ezekiel Moses Testimony of Heaven and Hell, Is Obedience Optional?, Holy Living in a Perverted World, Is Contraception a Sin? -- a Divine Revelation, Avoid Becoming a Corrupted Christian, Sins That Will Keep You From Heaven, Restored Truth, Testing the Spirits of False Prophets, A Warning to the Nay Sayers, The Ways of Life, and the other posts on the home page. You may also access my complete blog directory at "Writing for the Master."

Do You Want to Know Him?
If you want to know Jesus personally, you can. It all begins when you repent and believe in Jesus.  Do you know what God's Word, the Bible says?

“Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of God, and saying, ‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.’” (Mar 1:14b-15).  He preached that we must repent and believe.

Please see my explanation of this in my post called "Do You Want to Know Jesus?"

_________________________________________________

Len Lacroix is the founder of Doulos Missions International.  He was based in Eastern Europe for four years, making disciples, as well as helping leaders to be more effective at making disciples who multiply, developing leaders who multiply, with the ultimate goal of planting churches that multiply. His ministry is now based in the United States with the same goal of helping fulfill the Great Commission. www.dmiworld.org

When Marriage Doesn't Work Out

While many sweethearts are finding romantic ways to show their love for one another on Valentine’s Day, not all couples are doing so at this time of year. A recent NY Post article pointed out that the number of requests for divorce lawyers spikes dramatically around Valentine’s Day compared to the previous six months. On average, the increase is around 40 percent, according to Mark Britton, founder and CEO of Avvo, a site that offers ratings and profiles for lawyers and medical doctors. This has become a new trend in the past few years.

In fact, even in the church it has become common for people to get divorced, which is so sad. This of course raises the questions about remarriage afterward, so we really need to know what the mind of God is on this matter. For that we turn to the Word of God, because the Scriptures are our source of truth, wisdom and guidance on divorce. One passage of Scripture that addresses divorce is found in Mark’s gospel.

Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?" They said, "Moses permitted a man TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY." But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. "But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery." (Mar 10:2-12)

Let’s look at this passage verse-by-verse.

Is it lawful to divorce your wife?
The Pharisees wanted to know if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus answered with a question. He asked them what Moses commanded, and they replied with a quote from Moses. So they felt that they had established a legal right for this practice.

Hardness of heart
Jesus explained that the only reason Moses wrote this was due to the hardness of men’s hearts. It was not the original plan of God. So when a man or woman files for divorce, it reflects unwillingness on the part of one or both parties to reconcile or resolve the conflicts. Jesus referred to this as hardness of heart.

Incidentally, hardness of heart is not compatible with new life in Christ. Rather it is associated with rebellion (Heb 3:7,8,15). We are to be tender hearted, forgiving, and resolve all conflicts with one another (Lk 17:3-4; Mt 6:14-15; 18:15-17; Eph 5:32). Therefore, no disciple of Christ should claim his own hardness of heart as an excuse to divorce.

God’s original intention
Jesus went on to explain that what Moses wrote was not a command but rather permission he granted, if they remained hard hearted. Yet God’s original intention for man was that he would leave his parents and become one flesh with his wife. Paul’s statement to the Corinthians makes clear the meaning of "one flesh." He wrote:

"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, 'THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.' " (1Co 6:15-16).

My friend, Jim Garrett, made an excellent point about this when he commented, "Here Paul states that when one has sex, he becomes one flesh with the one with whom he has sex. Thus, a man who is a fornicator is one flesh with a lot of women – what a mess. In such a situation, a man becomes one flesh with a woman and there is no covenant (at least objective intentional covenant) involved."

This reminds me of a medieval practice in England, known as Drawing and Quartering, which was used as a punishment for treason. The person's four limbs were tied to four horses. Then as the horses moved away from the person, the poor soul was torn apart. That's what it's like when you join yourself to multiple sexual partners and there is no covenant to keep you together. The Lord intended to protect us from such a situation with His plan for one man and one woman to become one flesh together, and remain together for life.

Let no man separate
Once you begin to get this picture of what really happens to the people involved when a one flesh relationship is torn apart, you can better understand the heart of God regarding separation. You can look at the Greek all you want and try to get around it, but the Word of God from the mouth of Jesus was “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.” In this sentence, He affirmed that it’s God Who joined the married couple together, and He further affirms that no man should separate them. That’s pretty cut and dry, plain and simple. It’s not complicated at all, unless you try to make it that way. His main point was that it’s not God’s will for married couples to separate, in spite of the fact that the Law of Moses permitted it.

The apostle Paul later reiterated this when he wrote to the Corinthians, “But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.” (1Co 7:10-11). Again, this is very plain. The wife should not leave her husband and the husband should not divorce his wife.

Marriage after divorce
The disciples further questioned Jesus about this later in the house. His reply was, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” In another passage, Jesus taught that if you divorce your spouse and they remarry, you are causing them to commit adultery. He said, “but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Mat 5:32). Notice he said that the one who initiates the divorce makes the other person commit adultery. At the most basic level, it’s clear that there is a problem – a sin committed – when a person divorces his or her spouse and marries someone else. The reason a sin is committed is that man separates what God has put together, and then man joins together with another spouse.

To put it differently, God does not want man separating the married couple, since He has joined them together as one. And when man does this and then marries another, God sees it as adultery. How could it be adultery, if they have a legal certificate of divorce, which proves they are no longer married? It’s adultery because God still sees the original couple as one flesh. How else could it be adultery? Adultery can only occur when a married person enters into a sexual relationship with someone who is not his or her spouse.

There are basically three parties who end up committing adultery following a divorce: the person who initiated the divorce proceeding, the spouse who was subject to the divorce, and the person who marries the one who was divorced. So if God considers remarriage after divorce to be adultery, then it’s not desirable to do it. It should be avoided!

The apostle Paul reiterated this when he wrote to the Corinthians, “A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband." Paul’s teaching agrees with Jesus by instructing us not to get remarried after divorce, but rather be reconciled with our spouse.

There was one instance where Jesus acknowledged the legitimacy of divorce and that is where there has been unfaithfulness, otherwise known as unchastity or sexual sin (Greek, porneia). Many people have analyzed this and tried to determine what constitutes unfaithfulness. Obviously if one spouse commits sexual sin during the marriage, such as adultery, then that is unfaithfulness, which is grounds for a divorce. It does not mean that God requires the couple to divorce, because if there is repentance on the part of the offending spouse, then this can be forgiven and they can be healed and go on together. That is, provided the offender does not continue in this sin of adultery afterward. So when there is unchastity, God allows the two to become divorced.

One situation that Jesus did not address explicitly is desertion.  When one spouse deserts the other, he or she suddenly separates from the other, and this can sometimes happen without any prior notice or explanation.  The sudden and unexpected disappearance of a spouse can be devastating to the one who remains, especially when the remaining spouse was faithful.  And in some cases, the one who departs moves far away to another geographical location.  What is the remaining spouse to do in such a situation?  Obviously, the first step is to pray and seek reconciliation with the offended party.  But what if the offended party refuses all attempts at reconciliation?  These are the types of things that are not explicitly addressed, but we know that the Lord commands us to forgive and to love.  He teaches us how to resolve conflict.  So as we read the Word and pray through such situations, the Lord will give direction.

The apostle Paul describes one such scenario where one spouse is a nonbeliever. He says, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” (1 Cor 7:15). In this case, if the nonbeliever leaves, the believing person is no longer bound to stay married to the nonbeliever. He or she is free.

There are all kinds of scenarios in life that can happen, and it’s not my intention to analyze each one. It’s best for you to search the Scriptures prayerfully yourself, reading the passages where Jesus and Paul taught on divorce, and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you clearly through the Word. You have got to hear from the Lord on this matter. Afterward, you may sit with a mature believer who is impartial, such as a Bible-believing pastor or elder, and work through your situation with his counsel.

Forgiveness
I want to stress one very important thing. While divorce leads to adultery, which is a sin, it is not the unforgivable sin. If you have done everything to seek reconciliation with your spouse, and in the end, you find yourself divorced without intending to be, there is still hope. If you can still reconcile with your former spouse, you should do so. You should seek reconciliation very diligently! It may require a long process to work through issues with the help of a third party. It will require great mercy, forgiveness, love and patience from both spouses.

A great movie that portrays this is Fireproof. In this movie, the wife has decided to divorce her husband. But he decides to love her unconditionally through it all. He asks her to forgive him for the ways he has offended her. Then patiently waits for her heart to heal and turn back. She eventually does turn back, forgiving him and being reconciled to him once again.

But there comes a point where that might not be possible, due to the hardness of the other person’s heart. In this case, you should just forgive, seek the Lord for help, and cast yourself upon His mercy. Seek His forgiveness for any part you played in the divorce. And then receive it.

In some cases, people were divorced before they became a believer in Jesus Christ, and they cannot go back and change that situation. Sometimes their former spouse is already remarried. This is also portrayed in the movie Fireproof, in which a Christian man had been divorced before he came to know Christ. He is happily remarried, but he has remorse over the fact that he helped bring about a divorce between himself and his former wife before he knew the Lord. Once he came to know Christ, he wanted to reconcile with his wife, but it was too late. She had already remarried. This is another example of a situation that happens.

I would challenge anyone in such a situation to search the Scriptures and find the verse that allows them to be remarried, because God will hold you accountable for it.  I cannot think of any verse that would directly allow for remarriage in such a situation, as long as the person's former spouse remains alive (Ro 7:2-3). So let's open a discussion about this in the comments section. You will have to give an account for every action before the judgment seat of Christ (Rom. 14:10; 2Co. 5:10). I suppose some possible Scriptures a person might possibly rely on in such a situation to indirectly give them hope would be those about God's mercy and grace. But they must still reckon with Rom 7:2-3. I will cover this in more detail in the next two sections of this article below, as well as the section on divine revelations.

If you have been divorced and are unable to reconcile with your spouse after all your attempts to do so have failed, the worse thing you can do is go out and try to fill the emptiness by finding a new mate. You need to get healed first. It could take a year, two years or more. You should allow the Lord to do a work inside of you, before you consider ever getting married again. The reason is that your own dysfunctional behavior may have contributed to the divorce. Allow the Lord to search your heart and show you how you may have helped bring about the demise of your own marriage. It’s so important that you identify where you need healing and get it from the Lord before you consider a new relationship.

If you seek the Lord first and seek to be healed, He will fill your being with his love, His joy, and His peace. Find other ways to occupy yourself for the Lord through worship, Bible study, and service in the kingdom. And do this with the attitude that if you must stay single for the rest of your life, then you will do so. If you feel an overwhelming need to be remarried, then cry out to the Lord with that need. Every time it seems to overwhelm you, get on your knees and bring it to the Lord, even with tears if you need to. He will hear and answer.

Restoration and remarriage
I would like to address the matter of restoration and remarriage, but only for those who are in very specific and limited scenarios where that is allowed by God in Scripture. Paul says to those who are unmarried, “Do not look for a wife.” (1 Cor 7:27). That means exactly what it says.  Don't look for a wife. And for women, don't look for a husband. You need to lay that on the altar unless the Lord decides to give you another spouse.

In my humble opinion, if the Lord eventually shows you that it’s His will to grant you a second chance in His great mercy, then accept it. But seek godly counsel throughout the whole matter. Don’t enter into any new relationship according to the flesh. You don’t want to make another mistake! The person must belong to the Lord or else you will be unequally yoked together (2 Co 6:14).

Bathe it in prayer, and keep the relationship holy and chaste. Ask God to confirm everything to you and take it slowly. Make sure you know this is God’s will for your life. If you have both received confirmation from Him that He is putting you together in marriage, and other mature disciples agree, who are in a position of oversight and care in your life, then go forward with the Lord’s blessing. You can know that when God forgives, it is complete.

When the Lord chooses to give you a second chance, receive it with gratitude. But be careful not to take it lightly or abuse his grace and mercy.

Remarrying Your First Spouse
The ideal situation is to be reconciled with your first spouse and get remarried to that person. Simply repenting for committing the sin of divorce and not going back to your spouse is not enough. You must make restitution!

However, if your first spouse has already been remarried, I do not see any Scripture that allows you to remarry that person. Even if their second spouse divorces them or dies, the Bible teaches that it is an abomination for your to remarry your first spouse once they have been married to someone else.

"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.” (Deu 24:1-4).

Likewise, the Lord declared through the prophet Jeremiah, "If a husband divorces his wife and she goes from him and belongs to another man, Will he still return to her? Will not that land be completely polluted?" (Jer 3:1)

Therefore, the only scenario in which Scripture allows you to remarry your first spouse, in my opinion, is when neither of you have been remarried after divorcing.  In fact, if you have been divorced and neither you nor your spouse have been remarried, you should certainly repent and remarry your spouse if he or she is willing to do so. However, there is no biblical basis for remarriage to one's first spouse after divorce and remarriage has already occurred. Doing so would violate the Word of God, and teaching people to do so would nullify one of God's commandments.

Our Lord said, "Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven." (Mat 5:17-20)

Inevitably there will be someone who will say that my position is invalid, because it is based on Old Testament passage of Scripture, even though the Lord said He did not come to abolish the Law or the Prophets.  However, to those who may do so, I kindly refer you to my articles, The Ways of Life, The Law of Christ and Law of Love in the New Testament. 

Other Scriptures About Divorce
Here are some additional Scriptures about divorce to prayerfully consider.

"For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." (Mal 2:16)

"It was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Mat 5:31-32)

Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." They *said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?" He *said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Mat 19:3-9)

"For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man." (Rom 7:2-3)

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals..." (1Co 6:9)

"Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge." (Heb 13:4)

"But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her." (1Co 7:12)

Also see Deu 22:13-29.

Thus says the LORD, "Where is the certificate of divorce By which I have sent your mother away? Or to whom of My creditors did I sell you? Behold, you were sold for your iniquities, And for your transgressions your mother was sent away. (Isa 50:1)

"And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also. (Jer 3:8)

Divine Revelations
I would now like to share some divine revelations on the topic of divorce for you to read and evaluate prayerfully.

Michael Thomas Sambo
As I have written in my article Michael Thomas Sambo's Revelation of Heaven and Hell, my friend Michael Sambo received a revelation in 2003 from the Lord. He died and experienced heaven and hell. He told me, "In my encounter with Jesus. A man came to the gate of heaven having married and divorced his wife. But was later permitted by his church to remarry. The angel of the Lord told him in heaven he is known as an adulterer." This is a serious warning, since no adulterers inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor 6:9), so let us take heed.

Samuel Oghenetega (Ogenetega)
Near the end of June 2013, a fourteen-year-old boy in Nigeria, named Samuel “Tega” had a visitation from The Lord Jesus Christ, the Holy and Righteous One, as I documented in my article, Visitation of Jesus to Samuel Oghenetega. The Lord gave him a revelation with many warnings, one of which was a warning to those who divorce: "People who divorce do not enter my kingdom." (Listen to his video on You Tube for more details).

Emmanuel Samson Jude
A Nigerian teenager named Emmanuel Samson Jude, claims to have had a revelation of hell in August 2014.  He states:

I saw a man in hell fire, being in great agony and pain, in great torment, he stretched forth his hand if he could be delivered, but a demon was climbing on his back, cutting his head with an axe. I asked the man the reason why he ended his life there, he told me "I divorced my wife, I chased her out because I didn't have interest in her anymore. I got married to another woman. That is what brought me here. I blame myself. I am very sorry" (1 Cor 7:10-11).

Putting it all Together
The Scripture is clear that it was never God’s intention for married couples to become divorced. From the beginning, God intended the husband and wife to be one and never separate. So those who are married should not divorce. While it may break the legal union in the civil sense, the couple is still one in God’s eyes. That’s why divorce leads to adultery if the divorced person gets remarried. Those who are committing divorce need to know that it’s an abomination in the sight of God. Jesus hates divorce!

We know that Moses permitted divorce due to the hardness of man’s heart. So there are cases where divorce may be necessary. But if you leave your spouse, you must remain unmarried.

The Lord takes unfaithfulness very seriously. When one spouse is unfaithful and unwilling to reconcile, then the Lord allows for divorce. And when a nonbeliever chooses to leave a believer, then the believer is no longer bound to that person. The believer is free.

But those who are unmarried should not seek a spouse. They should call upon the Lord in their distress and allow Him to meet the need. A great deal of healing is needed after divorce, and this must happen before entering into any new relationship.

I caution you with reservations, if you have a second chance to marry, because yours is one of the scenarios that God allows and says you are free, and the Lord confirms that He has brought you together with a believing spouse, then treat it like your last chance. And when you get married again, make a commitment before the Lord to be together for the rest of your lives.

If you have never given your life to Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you are missing the most important key to a loving marriage. Without Him in the center of your life and your marriage, you cannot experience marriage to the fullest like God intended for you.

DISCLAIMER: Nothing in this article shall be construed as advising anyone to get a divorce or to remarry after divorce. This article was written to the best of my ability based on the Word of God with much thought and prayer, as well as advice from wise and trusted brothers. However, we only know in part, and prophesy in part, so my humble opinions, where stated, could be wrong or incomplete. Therefore, the Holy Scriptures must take precedence over anything I have written, where there appears to be any apparent contradiction.

Attribution notice: Most Scripture quotations taken from the NASB, copyright The Lockman Foundation, used by permission.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like Adultery According to Jesus, A Warning for Married Christian Couples, Divorcing the Devil, The Forgotten Sin of Worldliness, Ezekiel Moses Testimony of Heaven and Hell, Is Obedience Optional?, Holy Living in a Perverted World, Is Contraception a Sin? -- a Divine Revelation, Avoid Becoming a Corrupted Christian, Sins That Will Keep You From Heaven, Restored Truth, Testing the Spirits of False Prophets, A Warning to the Nay Sayers, The Ways of Life, and the other posts on the home page. You may also access my complete blog directory at "Writing for the Master."

Do You Want to Know Him?
If you want to know Jesus personally, you can. It all begins when you repent and believe in Jesus.  Do you know what God's Word, the Bible says?

“Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of God, and saying, ‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.’” (Mar 1:14b-15).  He preached that we must repent and believe.

Please see my explanation of this in my post called "Do You Want to Know Jesus?"

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Len Lacroix is the founder of Doulos Missions International.  He was based in Eastern Europe for four years, making disciples, as well as helping leaders to be more effective at making disciples who multiply, developing leaders who multiply, with the ultimate goal of planting churches that multiply. His ministry is now based in the United States with the same goal of helping fulfill the Great Commission. www.dmiworld.org.