The Gift of Celibacy

Although I am personally happily married and do not have the gift of celibacy, I want to highlight singleness, since it is not very popular in today's culture, and yet it is found in Scripture. These days it seems like married life is promoted as the best possible way of life. Things are geared toward couples, and romance is the subject of many movies and books, as well as a target for the advertising campaigns of businesses. It is as if singleness were a bad thing or at least second best. There is even pressure for single people to get married in some cultures, or at least an expectation that they should do so.

Even in the church we see this mentality that favors married life and people who are married. Events may be geared toward couples or toward singles who are seeking to be married. Even when the Church is considering someone as a potential pastor, they may have rules in place that require him to be married as one of the necessary qualifications. While Scripture teaches us that it is wrong to forbid people to marry, it is not wrong or somehow less than God's best for anyone to remain single. I am not at all diminishing the gift of marriage and children, because I think they are wonderful, but I want to focus in this post on what the Scriptures say about celibacy.

God's High Standard for Marriage
When Jesus spoke of the high standard for marriage and the rare exception for divorce, teaching that God requires married couples to remain together for life, it sparked a reaction among His disciples, who probably could not see how most people would be able to achieve that standard.

In that passage, some Pharisees had asked the Lord if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason, and Jesus had asked them what Moses said. They replied that Moses commanded them to issue a certificate of divorce. But Jesus replied that Moses only allowed that because their hearts were hard, but that this was not God's will from the beginning.

"Jesus replied, 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.'” (Mt 19:8-9, NIV).

The disciples, as I said, were amazed to learn that this was God's high and holy standard for marriage. "The disciples said to him, 'If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.'" (Mt 19:10, NIV). They thought that it would be better for people not to marry, since they knew how challenging it can be to maintain a healthy, harmonious marriage, and how common it is for couples to divorce. Apparently they realized that many people were not staying married and felt it would be best, in light of what Jesus said, for people not to get married in the first place.

Listen to the Lord's response to their assumption. "Jesus replied, 'Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.'” (Mt 19:11-12, NIV).

Jesus first made it clear that not everyone can accept the notion proposed by His disciples that it would be better for people to remain celibate. He said that only those who have received their celibacy from God can do so, and He gave examples of such people.

Three Kinds of Celibacy
There are essentially three kinds of celibacy. First there are those who are born that way. These are people who are either born without a desire to be married or are created by God to be single. This could include those rather unusual cases in which people are born without healthy reproductive organs. It could also include people who are better suited to be single. But the point is that they were actually born that way. Marriage is either something they are not interested in or are incapable of doing. He called them eunuchs.

Then there are those who have been made into eunuchs by others. This would include people who have had certain reproductive organs removed, as in the case of a man who has been castrated, typically early enough in life for it to have major hormonal consequences. In Bible days there were men who were made to be eunuchs in order to serve in the king's courts in certain roles that required them to be single. One example would be a eunuch in charge of the king's harem (Esther 2:15). It was pretty typical for kings and queens to have eunuchs serving in their courts. One example is in 2 Kings 9:32, where two or three eunuchs threw Queen Jezebel out the window to her death at Jehu's request.

A third type of eunuch that Jesus mentioned is the kind who has made a personal decision to remain celibate for the sake of the kingdom. He said, "there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven." In my opinion there may be far more of this third type than there are of the first two types of celibate people. The Lord did not forbid anyone to marry, but said that there is a kind of self-imposed celibacy that one can choose in order to better serve God. In fact, He actually encouraged this by saying, "The one who can accept this should accept it."

Therefore, while He acknowledged that not everyone can accept this, He did say that the one who could accept celibacy for the kingdom should accept it. He was certainly not expecting all people to be able to remain celibate, since for some people it would simply not be a wise decision, but He seemed to indicate that this is actually His preference for His disciples, who are able to accept it, to remain celibate. After all, He Himself was celibate for the sake of the kingdom, so He led by example.

Celibates in Scripture
In addition to the Lord Jesus Himself, there are others in Scripture that were single. One is the apostle Paul. Some people believe he may have actually been married at one time, but somehow either through the death of his wife or divorce he ended up single again. They probably assume this because of the way he was able to teach so well on marriage as if he himself had personal experience with it, and also perhaps it is because it would have been most likely for a Pharisee in those days, such as he was, to be married rather than single. According to Matthew Henry, "The Jews, more than any people, valued themselves on their early marriages and their numerous offspring." We don't have any proof that Paul was ever married, so it is certainly not necessary to believe that he was, and it is fine if you want to assume he was always single.

However, we do know for certain from Scripture that Paul was not married during the part of his life after he became a follower of Christ. We could assume that he made a personal choice not to marry. But even if he had ever been married before coming to Christ, and his wife either died or the marriage ended in divorce, there is no record of him being married, and he spoke of himself as an unmarried man, so it seems reasonable to assume that he chose of his own free will to remain single afterward as either a widower or a divorced person. The less likely possibility, in my opinion, is that he had never been married and when he came to Christ he made a commitment to celibacy for the sake of the kingdom. No matter which scenario you assume to be true of him (having once been married or never having been married), Scripture makes it clear that he had chosen for the sake of the kingdom not to marry, once he became a follower of Christ (1 Cor 7:7-8).

Besides Paul, others that seemed to be celibate in Scripture include his missionary traveling companion and fellow apostle Barnabas, as well as Silas. Then, of course, there is the Ethiopian eunuch, who came to Christ through Philip's ministry, who was an important official in charge of all the treasury of the queen of the Ethiopians (Ac 8:26-40).

Another example of a eunuch in Scripture is the prophet Jeremiah. The Lord specifically spoke to him not to marry or have children (Jer 16:2), because of the desperate times he was living in. It also seems that the prophets Elijah, Elisha, and John the Baptist were celibate. There is no biblical record of any of them having a wife or children. The same is true of the prophet Daniel, as well as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He and the three Hebrews were all appointed to the king's personal service in the royal courts of Babylon, and may have actually been made into eunuchs for that very purpose (Dan 1:5-7).

Scriptural Teaching on Celibacy
Paul taught about celibacy himself. He said:

"Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman. But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” (1 Cor 7:1-2, NIV).

Here Paul said that abstinence is good, but that both singles and couples should avoid sexual immorality. While he recognized that some people need to be married in order to avoid sexual immorality, he taught that married men should only have sexual relations with their own wives and women with their own husbands. But for single people, unless they get married, abstinence is the only way to remain pure, and Paul preferred that for himself and others.

He said, "I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that." (1 Cor 7:7, NIV). Here we see that though he wished the Corinthians were single like he was, he realized that while some people have the gift of celibacy, others don't.

He said, "Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." (1 Cor 7:25-28, NIV).

Paul explicitly taught single men not to look for a wife, because those who marry will face many troubles in life, and he wanted to spare people from that.

He wrote: "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.  (1 Cor 7:32-35, NIV).

From this passage we learn that Paul wanted the Corinthians to be free from concern, so they could focus on pleasing the Lord. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs -- how he can please the Lord. So is an unmarried woman or virgin. Her aim is to be wholly devoted to Jesus bodily and spiritually. Paul's desire for the Corinthians was that they may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord, and that is God's desire for each one of us.

I do want to point out that Paul was clear that it was not a sin to marry, and he never forbade anyone to marry. In no way did he want to restrict anyone. In fact, he taught elsewhere in his epistle to Timothy that it was wrong to forbid people to marry. He wrote: "But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons, by means of the hypocrisy of liars seared in their own conscience as with a branding iron, men who forbid marriage and advocate abstaining from foods which God has created to be gratefully shared in by those who believe and know the truth." (1 Tim 4:1-3).

Paul also taught that while a widow is free to marry a believer, she would be actually happier if she remains single. He wrote: "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God." (1 Cor 7:39-40).

On the other hand, he recognized the needs of younger widows to remarry, since they have been married before and once again find themselves single. He said, "So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander." (1 Tim 5:14, NIV).  Part of his reason for counseling younger widows to marry is to avoid giving the enemy an opportunity. He understood that if someone felt the need to be married, and did not have the gift of celibacy, but after being married for a time they lost their spouse and ended up single again, the best thing for such a person may be to get married again so as not to give opportunity to the enemy.

Therefore, from these passages, we can see that Paul had a strong preference for celibacy over marriage, whenever possible. Yet he was not rigid about singleness, nor did he require it of everyone.

Virgins
There is a beautiful verse in the book of Revelation about those who remain virgins, which is specifically speaking of men that follow Jesus. "These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they remained virgins. They follow the Lamb wherever he goes. They were purchased from among mankind and offered as firstfruits to God and the Lamb." (Rev 14:4, NIV)

Remaining a virgin for the Lord is an honorable decision for one to make. God places great value on that. For those who do so, they can truly claim the promise of Isaiah that says, "For your Maker is your husband-- the LORD Almighty is his name-- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth." (Is 54:5, NIV).

A Special Promise for Eunuchs
The Lord has given a special promise to eunuchs through the prophet Isaiah. He said, "Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the LORD say, 'The LORD will surely separate me from His people.' Nor let the eunuch say, 'Behold, I am a dry tree.' For thus says the LORD, 'To the eunuchs who keep My sabbaths, And choose what pleases Me, And hold fast My covenant, To them I will give in My house and within My walls a memorial, And a name better than that of sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name which will not be cut off.'" (Isa 56:3-5).

I believe that those who are eunuchs, as well as bachelors who choose to live like eunuchs, can claim this promise for themselves. If they keep His sabbaths, choose what pleases the Lord, and hold fast to His covenant, to them He will give a memorial within His walls and in His house, and a name that is better than having sons and daughters. Whereas normally if a man does not have sons, he has no one to carry on his family name, and he may consider his name to be cut off. But the Lord has promised these eunuchs who meet these conditions that He will give them an everlasting name that will endure throughout eternity and never be cut off.

In my opinion, women who choose a life of celibacy for Jesus can claim this promise given to eunuchs. If a woman is led to remain single, then she may also be led by the Spirit to see how this passage applies to her and to claim the promise for her self.

Vows
I don't necessarily advise anyone to make vows of celibacy. I think one can decide before the Lord to remain single for the sake of the kingdom without making any kind of vow to do so. One could simply decide that unless the Lord shows him otherwise, he is going to assume he is called to a life of singleness for the kingdom. He could proceed with pursuing the plans and purposes that God has for him without any regard for marriage, unless the Lord would speak to him to become married one day. This applies to both men and women.

Putting it All Together
The Lord Jesus, who Himself was celibate, taught that those who can accept celibacy for the sake of the kingdom should do so, and the apostle Paul essentially said the same. Paul taught abstinence for singles and believed it was best not to marry, in order to spare people of troubles associated with marriage, and to enable them to serve the Lord in undivided devotion, but he did allow for the fact that not everyone has the gift of celibacy as he did. He did not forbid people to marry, nor did he require marriage of anyone, including those in ministry. I hope that this message has served to encourage those who may be considering a life of celibacy for the sake of the kingdom.

Attribution notice: Most Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV®, where noted.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like Covenant Prayer, Led by the Spirit - Part I, Led by the Spirit - Part II, Walking in the Perfect Will of God, Avoid Becoming a Corrupted Christian, Sins That Will Keep You From Heaven, Holy Living in a Perverted World, Accountable, correctable, and teachable, Restored Truth, The Ways of Life, and the other posts on the home page. You may also access my complete blog directory at "Writing for the Master."

Do You Want to Know Him?
If you want to know Jesus personally, you can. It all begins when you repent and believe in Jesus.  Do you know what God's Word, the Bible says?

“Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of God, and saying, ‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.’” (Mar 1:14b-15).  He preached that we must repent and believe.

Please see my explanation of this in my post called "Do You Want to Know Jesus?"

When Marriage Doesn't Work Out

While many sweethearts are finding romantic ways to show their love for one another on Valentine’s Day, not all couples are doing so at this time of year. A recent NY Post article pointed out that the number of requests for divorce lawyers spikes dramatically around Valentine’s Day compared to the previous six months. On average, the increase is around 40 percent, according to Mark Britton, founder and CEO of Avvo, a site that offers ratings and profiles for lawyers and medical doctors. This has become a new trend in the past few years.

In fact, even in the church it has become common for people to get divorced, which is so sad. This of course raises the questions about remarriage afterward, so we really need to know what the mind of God is on this matter. For that we turn to the Word of God, because the Scriptures are our source of truth, wisdom and guidance on divorce. One passage of Scripture that addresses divorce is found in Mark’s gospel.

Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, "What did Moses command you?" They said, "Moses permitted a man TO WRITE A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY." But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. "But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." In the house the disciples began questioning Him about this again. And He said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery." (Mar 10:2-12)

Let’s look at this passage verse-by-verse.

Is it lawful to divorce your wife?
The Pharisees wanted to know if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus answered with a question. He asked them what Moses commanded, and they replied with a quote from Moses. So they felt that they had established a legal right for this practice.

Hardness of heart
Jesus explained that the only reason Moses wrote this was due to the hardness of men’s hearts. It was not the original plan of God. So when a man or woman files for divorce, it reflects unwillingness on the part of one or both parties to reconcile or resolve the conflicts. Jesus referred to this as hardness of heart.

Incidentally, hardness of heart is not compatible with new life in Christ. Rather it is associated with rebellion (Heb 3:7,8,15). We are to be tender hearted, forgiving, and resolve all conflicts with one another (Lk 17:3-4; Mt 6:14-15; 18:15-17; Eph 5:32). Therefore, no disciple of Christ should claim his own hardness of heart as an excuse to divorce.

God’s original intention
Jesus went on to explain that what Moses wrote was not a command but rather permission he granted, if they remained hard hearted. Yet God’s original intention for man was that he would leave his parents and become one flesh with his wife. Paul’s statement to the Corinthians makes clear the meaning of "one flesh." He wrote:

"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take away the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? May it never be! Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For He says, 'THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.' " (1Co 6:15-16).

My friend, Jim Garrett, made an excellent point about this when he commented, "Here Paul states that when one has sex, he becomes one flesh with the one with whom he has sex. Thus, a man who is a fornicator is one flesh with a lot of women – what a mess. In such a situation, a man becomes one flesh with a woman and there is no covenant (at least objective intentional covenant) involved."

This reminds me of a medieval practice in England, known as Drawing and Quartering, which was used as a punishment for treason. The person's four limbs were tied to four horses. Then as the horses moved away from the person, the poor soul was torn apart. That's what it's like when you join yourself to multiple sexual partners and there is no covenant to keep you together. The Lord intended to protect us from such a situation with His plan for one man and one woman to become one flesh together, and remain together for life.

Let no man separate
Once you begin to get this picture of what really happens to the people involved when a one flesh relationship is torn apart, you can better understand the heart of God regarding separation. You can look at the Greek all you want and try to get around it, but the Word of God from the mouth of Jesus was “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.” In this sentence, He affirmed that it’s God Who joined the married couple together, and He further affirms that no man should separate them. That’s pretty cut and dry, plain and simple. It’s not complicated at all, unless you try to make it that way. His main point was that it’s not God’s will for married couples to separate, in spite of the fact that the Law of Moses permitted it.

The apostle Paul later reiterated this when he wrote to the Corinthians, “But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.” (1Co 7:10-11). Again, this is very plain. The wife should not leave her husband and the husband should not divorce his wife.

Marriage after divorce
The disciples further questioned Jesus about this later in the house. His reply was, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.” In another passage, Jesus taught that if you divorce your spouse and they remarry, you are causing them to commit adultery. He said, “but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Mat 5:32). Notice he said that the one who initiates the divorce makes the other person commit adultery. At the most basic level, it’s clear that there is a problem – a sin committed – when a person divorces his or her spouse and marries someone else. The reason a sin is committed is that man separates what God has put together, and then man joins together with another spouse.

To put it differently, God does not want man separating the married couple, since He has joined them together as one. And when man does this and then marries another, God sees it as adultery. How could it be adultery, if they have a legal certificate of divorce, which proves they are no longer married? It’s adultery because God still sees the original couple as one flesh. How else could it be adultery? Adultery can only occur when a married person enters into a sexual relationship with someone who is not his or her spouse.

There are basically three parties who end up committing adultery following a divorce: the person who initiated the divorce proceeding, the spouse who was subject to the divorce, and the person who marries the one who was divorced. So if God considers remarriage after divorce to be adultery, then it’s not desirable to do it. It should be avoided!

The apostle Paul reiterated this when he wrote to the Corinthians, “A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband." Paul’s teaching agrees with Jesus by instructing us not to get remarried after divorce, but rather be reconciled with our spouse.

There was one instance where Jesus acknowledged the legitimacy of divorce and that is where there has been unfaithfulness, otherwise known as unchastity or sexual sin (Greek, porneia). Many people have analyzed this and tried to determine what constitutes unfaithfulness. Obviously if one spouse commits sexual sin during the marriage, such as adultery, then that is unfaithfulness, which is grounds for a divorce. It does not mean that God requires the couple to divorce, because if there is repentance on the part of the offending spouse, then this can be forgiven and they can be healed and go on together. That is, provided the offender does not continue in this sin of adultery afterward. So when there is unchastity, God allows the two to become divorced.

One situation that Jesus did not address explicitly is desertion.  When one spouse deserts the other, he or she suddenly separates from the other, and this can sometimes happen without any prior notice or explanation.  The sudden and unexpected disappearance of a spouse can be devastating to the one who remains, especially when the remaining spouse was faithful.  And in some cases, the one who departs moves far away to another geographical location.  What is the remaining spouse to do in such a situation?  Obviously, the first step is to pray and seek reconciliation with the offended party.  But what if the offended party refuses all attempts at reconciliation?  These are the types of things that are not explicitly addressed, but we know that the Lord commands us to forgive and to love.  He teaches us how to resolve conflict.  So as we read the Word and pray through such situations, the Lord will give direction.

The apostle Paul describes one such scenario where one spouse is a nonbeliever. He says, “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.” (1 Cor 7:15). In this case, if the nonbeliever leaves, the believing person is no longer bound to stay married to the nonbeliever. He or she is free.

There are all kinds of scenarios in life that can happen, and it’s not my intention to analyze each one. It’s best for you to search the Scriptures prayerfully yourself, reading the passages where Jesus and Paul taught on divorce, and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you clearly through the Word. You have got to hear from the Lord on this matter. Afterward, you may sit with a mature believer who is impartial, such as a Bible-believing pastor or elder, and work through your situation with his counsel.

Forgiveness
I want to stress one very important thing. While divorce leads to adultery, which is a sin, it is not the unforgivable sin. If you have done everything to seek reconciliation with your spouse, and in the end, you find yourself divorced without intending to be, there is still hope. If you can still reconcile with your former spouse, you should do so. You should seek reconciliation very diligently! It may require a long process to work through issues with the help of a third party. It will require great mercy, forgiveness, love and patience from both spouses.

A great movie that portrays this is Fireproof. In this movie, the wife has decided to divorce her husband. But he decides to love her unconditionally through it all. He asks her to forgive him for the ways he has offended her. Then patiently waits for her heart to heal and turn back. She eventually does turn back, forgiving him and being reconciled to him once again.

But there comes a point where that might not be possible, due to the hardness of the other person’s heart. In this case, you should just forgive, seek the Lord for help, and cast yourself upon His mercy. Seek His forgiveness for any part you played in the divorce. And then receive it.

In some cases, people were divorced before they became a believer in Jesus Christ, and they cannot go back and change that situation. Sometimes their former spouse is already remarried. This is also portrayed in the movie Fireproof, in which a Christian man had been divorced before he came to know Christ. He is happily remarried, but he has remorse over the fact that he helped bring about a divorce between himself and his former wife before he knew the Lord. Once he came to know Christ, he wanted to reconcile with his wife, but it was too late. She had already remarried. This is another example of a situation that happens.

I would challenge anyone in such a situation to search the Scriptures and find the verse that allows them to be remarried, because God will hold you accountable for it.  I cannot think of any verse that would directly allow for remarriage in such a situation, as long as the person's former spouse remains alive (Ro 7:2-3). So let's open a discussion about this in the comments section. You will have to give an account for every action before the judgment seat of Christ (Rom. 14:10; 2Co. 5:10). I suppose some possible Scriptures a person might possibly rely on in such a situation to indirectly give them hope would be those about God's mercy and grace. But they must still reckon with Rom 7:2-3. I will cover this in more detail in the next two sections of this article below, as well as the section on divine revelations.

If you have been divorced and are unable to reconcile with your spouse after all your attempts to do so have failed, the worse thing you can do is go out and try to fill the emptiness by finding a new mate. You need to get healed first. It could take a year, two years or more. You should allow the Lord to do a work inside of you, before you consider ever getting married again. The reason is that your own dysfunctional behavior may have contributed to the divorce. Allow the Lord to search your heart and show you how you may have helped bring about the demise of your own marriage. It’s so important that you identify where you need healing and get it from the Lord before you consider a new relationship.

If you seek the Lord first and seek to be healed, He will fill your being with his love, His joy, and His peace. Find other ways to occupy yourself for the Lord through worship, Bible study, and service in the kingdom. And do this with the attitude that if you must stay single for the rest of your life, then you will do so. If you feel an overwhelming need to be remarried, then cry out to the Lord with that need. Every time it seems to overwhelm you, get on your knees and bring it to the Lord, even with tears if you need to. He will hear and answer.

Restoration and remarriage
I would like to address the matter of restoration and remarriage, but only for those who are in very specific and limited scenarios where that is allowed by God in Scripture. Paul says to those who are unmarried, “Do not look for a wife.” (1 Cor 7:27). That means exactly what it says.  Don't look for a wife. And for women, don't look for a husband. You need to lay that on the altar unless the Lord decides to give you another spouse.

In my humble opinion, if the Lord eventually shows you that it’s His will to grant you a second chance in His great mercy, then accept it. But seek godly counsel throughout the whole matter. Don’t enter into any new relationship according to the flesh. You don’t want to make another mistake! The person must belong to the Lord or else you will be unequally yoked together (2 Co 6:14).

Bathe it in prayer, and keep the relationship holy and chaste. Ask God to confirm everything to you and take it slowly. Make sure you know this is God’s will for your life. If you have both received confirmation from Him that He is putting you together in marriage, and other mature disciples agree, who are in a position of oversight and care in your life, then go forward with the Lord’s blessing. You can know that when God forgives, it is complete.

When the Lord chooses to give you a second chance, receive it with gratitude. But be careful not to take it lightly or abuse his grace and mercy.

Remarrying Your First Spouse
The ideal situation is to be reconciled with your first spouse and get remarried to that person. Simply repenting for committing the sin of divorce and not going back to your spouse is not enough. You must make restitution!

However, if your first spouse has already been remarried, I do not see any Scripture that allows you to remarry that person. Even if their second spouse divorces them or dies, the Bible teaches that it is an abomination for your to remarry your first spouse once they have been married to someone else.

"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife, and if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her to be his wife, then her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife, since she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God gives you as an inheritance.” (Deu 24:1-4).

Likewise, the Lord declared through the prophet Jeremiah, "If a husband divorces his wife and she goes from him and belongs to another man, Will he still return to her? Will not that land be completely polluted?" (Jer 3:1)

Therefore, the only scenario in which Scripture allows you to remarry your first spouse, in my opinion, is when neither of you have been remarried after divorcing.  In fact, if you have been divorced and neither you nor your spouse have been remarried, you should certainly repent and remarry your spouse if he or she is willing to do so. However, there is no biblical basis for remarriage to one's first spouse after divorce and remarriage has already occurred. Doing so would violate the Word of God, and teaching people to do so would nullify one of God's commandments.

Our Lord said, "Do not think that I came to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I did not come to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I say to you, until heaven and earth pass away, not the smallest letter or stroke shall pass from the Law until all is accomplished. Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven." (Mat 5:17-20)

Inevitably there will be someone who will say that my position is invalid, because it is based on Old Testament passage of Scripture, even though the Lord said He did not come to abolish the Law or the Prophets.  However, to those who may do so, I kindly refer you to my articles, The Ways of Life, The Law of Christ and Law of Love in the New Testament. 

Other Scriptures About Divorce
Here are some additional Scriptures about divorce to prayerfully consider.

"For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." (Mal 2:16)

"It was said, 'Whoever sends his wife away, let him give her a certificate of divorce'; but I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Mat 5:31-32)

Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." They *said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give her a certificate of divorce and send her away?" He *said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Mat 19:3-9)

"For the married woman is bound by law to her husband while he is living; but if her husband dies, she is released from the law concerning the husband. So then, if while her husband is living she is joined to another man, she shall be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from the law, so that she is not an adulteress though she is joined to another man." (Rom 7:2-3)

"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals..." (1Co 6:9)

"Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge." (Heb 13:4)

"But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her." (1Co 7:12)

Also see Deu 22:13-29.

Thus says the LORD, "Where is the certificate of divorce By which I have sent your mother away? Or to whom of My creditors did I sell you? Behold, you were sold for your iniquities, And for your transgressions your mother was sent away. (Isa 50:1)

"And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also. (Jer 3:8)

Divine Revelations
I would now like to share some divine revelations on the topic of divorce for you to read and evaluate prayerfully.

Michael Thomas Sambo
As I have written in my article Michael Thomas Sambo's Revelation of Heaven and Hell, my friend Michael Sambo received a revelation in 2003 from the Lord. He died and experienced heaven and hell. He told me, "In my encounter with Jesus. A man came to the gate of heaven having married and divorced his wife. But was later permitted by his church to remarry. The angel of the Lord told him in heaven he is known as an adulterer." This is a serious warning, since no adulterers inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor 6:9), so let us take heed.

Samuel Oghenetega (Ogenetega)
Near the end of June 2013, a fourteen-year-old boy in Nigeria, named Samuel “Tega” had a visitation from The Lord Jesus Christ, the Holy and Righteous One, as I documented in my article, Visitation of Jesus to Samuel Oghenetega. The Lord gave him a revelation with many warnings, one of which was a warning to those who divorce: "People who divorce do not enter my kingdom." (Listen to his video on You Tube for more details).

Emmanuel Samson Jude
A Nigerian teenager named Emmanuel Samson Jude, claims to have had a revelation of hell in August 2014.  He states:

I saw a man in hell fire, being in great agony and pain, in great torment, he stretched forth his hand if he could be delivered, but a demon was climbing on his back, cutting his head with an axe. I asked the man the reason why he ended his life there, he told me "I divorced my wife, I chased her out because I didn't have interest in her anymore. I got married to another woman. That is what brought me here. I blame myself. I am very sorry" (1 Cor 7:10-11).

Putting it all Together
The Scripture is clear that it was never God’s intention for married couples to become divorced. From the beginning, God intended the husband and wife to be one and never separate. So those who are married should not divorce. While it may break the legal union in the civil sense, the couple is still one in God’s eyes. That’s why divorce leads to adultery if the divorced person gets remarried. Those who are committing divorce need to know that it’s an abomination in the sight of God. Jesus hates divorce!

We know that Moses permitted divorce due to the hardness of man’s heart. So there are cases where divorce may be necessary. But if you leave your spouse, you must remain unmarried.

The Lord takes unfaithfulness very seriously. When one spouse is unfaithful and unwilling to reconcile, then the Lord allows for divorce. And when a nonbeliever chooses to leave a believer, then the believer is no longer bound to that person. The believer is free.

But those who are unmarried should not seek a spouse. They should call upon the Lord in their distress and allow Him to meet the need. A great deal of healing is needed after divorce, and this must happen before entering into any new relationship.

I caution you with reservations, if you have a second chance to marry, because yours is one of the scenarios that God allows and says you are free, and the Lord confirms that He has brought you together with a believing spouse, then treat it like your last chance. And when you get married again, make a commitment before the Lord to be together for the rest of your lives.

If you have never given your life to Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you are missing the most important key to a loving marriage. Without Him in the center of your life and your marriage, you cannot experience marriage to the fullest like God intended for you.

DISCLAIMER: Nothing in this article shall be construed as advising anyone to get a divorce or to remarry after divorce. This article was written to the best of my ability based on the Word of God with much thought and prayer, as well as advice from wise and trusted brothers. However, we only know in part, and prophesy in part, so my humble opinions, where stated, could be wrong or incomplete. Therefore, the Holy Scriptures must take precedence over anything I have written, where there appears to be any apparent contradiction.

Attribution notice: Most Scripture quotations taken from the NASB, copyright The Lockman Foundation, used by permission.

If you enjoyed this post, you may also like Adultery According to Jesus, A Warning for Married Christian Couples, Divorcing the Devil, The Forgotten Sin of Worldliness, Ezekiel Moses Testimony of Heaven and Hell, Is Obedience Optional?, Holy Living in a Perverted World, Is Contraception a Sin? -- a Divine Revelation, Avoid Becoming a Corrupted Christian, Sins That Will Keep You From Heaven, Restored Truth, Testing the Spirits of False Prophets, A Warning to the Nay Sayers, The Ways of Life, and the other posts on the home page. You may also access my complete blog directory at "Writing for the Master."

Do You Want to Know Him?
If you want to know Jesus personally, you can. It all begins when you repent and believe in Jesus.  Do you know what God's Word, the Bible says?

“Jesus came into Galilee, preaching the gospel of God, and saying, ‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel.’” (Mar 1:14b-15).  He preached that we must repent and believe.

Please see my explanation of this in my post called "Do You Want to Know Jesus?"

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Len Lacroix is the founder of Doulos Missions International.  He was based in Eastern Europe for four years, making disciples, as well as helping leaders to be more effective at making disciples who multiply, developing leaders who multiply, with the ultimate goal of planting churches that multiply. His ministry is now based in the United States with the same goal of helping fulfill the Great Commission. www.dmiworld.org.